03. life / a 10th wedding anniversary + the one thing I wasn't expecting to feel
anniversaries, divorce and the God who is there though it all.
gosh how does 10 years just come and go so quickly? when I was single, the years leading up to meeting my future husband and eventually getting married felt so far away. there were days where I wondered if it would actually happen for me. and then March 7, 2015 came and went with all of it’s wonders, yet every time I drive by the place my husband and I got married the memory is alive and well. I can still see the guests in the little white chapel-looking building and remember the breeze, that thankfully, filled the air that day. we told our girls that, that was the place where mami and papi got married and sure enough, they too, remember each time we drive by and remind us of it.
I have nothing but gratitude for the love and mercy God has shown us in our marriage. for those of us that have been married for any amount of time, I think we can attest to the winding road of marriage, the ups, the downs, the victories, and the further downs sometimes— but God. He has never left us. God gave me what I needed in my husband and not what I wanted, but in receiving what I needed I found what I truly wanted all along (love you babe).
we’ve been planning our 10th anniversary trip for some time now (can’t wait to share more about it later on) and i’ve just been reflecting the past couple of weeks on these past years together. so many moments, memories, tears, challenges and victories flooded my heart and mind while I went about my days here at home. and then, the thing I least expected to feel or remember somehow pricked my heart… my parents divorced on their 10th year of marriage.
the bittersweetness of this moment. I could almost taste it. i sat at the table with the sweetness of celebrating TEN whole years married to my love and the bitter taste of what a 7-year-old little girl lost many years ago. was it my marriage? no. but it was my family and a future i would never get to know. so i sat there with the One who is an expert in mending the brokenhearted. the One who listens to the words and cries that sound like a broken record. the One who sees the child we were and the adult we are. the One who knew our life’s story before it ever came to pass. right there, once more, i handed God my questions, thoughts, the bitter taste of what already happened… i surrendered it. but you know what? He comforted me. He didn’t turn me away. He traded that sorrow for joy. He reminded me that He is Sovereign over all things and that His purpose prevails over what i think should have been. it was just what i needed.
“But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from his sanctuary;
my cry to him reached his ears.”- Psalm 18:6
i think we all have certain things that deeply impact us in our lives. some may seem bigger than others but the truth is, they’re all the same in our eyes. each experience carries weight and God knows the very ones that are needed for the shaping of who He’s made us to be.
“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” - Psalm 147:3
I don’t know what you’re going through in this very moment. maybe you’re grieving. are you waiting on answers? maybe you can’t come to terms with past hurt and pain. maybe you can’t forgive. are your children sick? has anger and bitterness made a home in your heart? maybe you’re confused. do you feel God has forgotten about you? maybe your financial struggles don’t seem to end. whatever it is, you can find healing at the feet of Jesus. sit in His presence even if all you have is tears. He listens. He comforts. He loves. He is Sovereign.
“He will not spare us from waters of sorrow and the fires of adversity, but He will go through them with us.” - Trusting God Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges
“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.” - Isaiah 43:2
if your parents have gone through divorce or someone close to you has lived it, this podcast episode was a great listen. for me, it made me feel seen in a way I didn’t even know I needed. the best part was that it reminded me of God’s love and His continuous healing.
life will surprise us and yet God will never be surprised because everything is under His perfect will. just as we celebrate our wedding anniversary on March 7th, we now also celebrate the anniversary of our littlest lady coming home from the NICU. it’s been TWO years already and the rush of emotions and our endless gratitude to the Lord for keeping her will never subside.
for those who don’t know our story, our third daughter was born at 23 weeks exactly. God had it that she would beat the odds over the course of 136 days in the NICU. at birth she was just a little bigger than my hand, shy of a pound and a half and with a 33% chance of survival. there are details engraved on my mind and emotions I will never forget that our family lived.
all I have is praise and gratitude. God did what only He could do.
I hope and pray you leave encouraged to continue on, to press forward despite anything you’ve gone through in the past, right now or in the future. our hope is in Jesus and with Him, we are never alone.
- Kaylenne
So inspiring! Thank you for sharing!